Journal Entry 5-27-13

This is just a total brain dump...

Stress levels in our house have hit an all time high.  A week ago I had a bad car wreck (not my fault) and it has led us to have to buy and finance a new car. The entire process has been extremely stressful. Tonight it seems to have completely gotten to Chad who normally handles everything very well. He can handle a ton of stress and manage it. But tonight is not a good night.  He isn't a talker, he just gets mad and won't speak to me. He tells me he is fine and to leave him alone.  When he does that, it means he is in total anger and stress mode.  I hate it.  It makes me so uptight and upset when he gets this way.  It makes my stomach turn.  He won't speak to me and he doesn't want me to bother him. Ugh...

It seems since we have started our process of moving here to Jacksonville, everything has just gone downhill for us financially.  It started a few months before our move.  Our dog got very sick and kept needing surgeries.  Which we kept doing in hopes to help her.  This went on for months until after our move.  For months we were paying for surgeries, costly medications, bandages, etc, until finally the vet figured out what was going on and resolved it. It costs us thousands and thousands of dollars. Then in the meantime we had to move and we really wanted to buy a house. So we were going through that process.  We bought the house from afar without completely seeing it.  It is a long story as to how that came about. And once we bought it we realized it needed tens of thousands in renovations.   So we did it.  We burnt through our savings.  Also just before we were going to close on the house, one of our cars, which is 14 years old, needed a huge repair. We were just about to go to our closing so we couldn't take a bunch of money and put it toward our car or even finance another car.  It would of completely jeopardized our financing and approval of our home loan.  So we spent a $2,500 to fix it.  Since moving into our home we have to had to fix one thing after another.  I love our house, but it has been a money pit for sure.

So here we are a year and a half later, still struggling and stressing over finances.  Every time we do good, save a bit.  Crap happens and we seem to spend it on something. I needed a root canal, our dog needed ANOTHER surgery, our pool pump went out.

On top of all the stuff,  my husband is working long hours,  we have 2 demanding young children, a geriatric dog, no family around, deployments, and so on.

I feel very much like LIFE is so out-of-control right now and I don't even know what to do.  I just feel like we have had so much bad luck and have made bad decisions.  And every time I try to turn it around, something else seems to get us. Why is that?  I keep praying for a little good luck, a break, and it just doesn't seem to come. For the past 2 years life has been tough.

I really am so grateful for all I have.  My kids, my husband, my home, but life right now is making me want to pull my covers over my head and never come out.

1-23-12

I got up this morning at 6:05am. I was aiming for 5:45, but had some trouble getting out of bed. Chad had a late morning, so I was able to drink some coffee and and enjoy the quiet of the house for an hour. Then I headed off for a 3-mile run on a warm, humid and foggy morning.

View from our driveway this morning.

3 miles, 33.34 mins, 11.11 mile average

482 calories, heart rate low 169, high 185

Shae visiting me outside after my run

Not only did I get up and do a run this morning, I did my first class at the rec center. It was bootcamp. I burned 604 calories.

Here is a breakdown of what I ate and calories consumed today.

breakfast Old Fashioned Quaker Oatmeal- Plain (1/2 cup dry), 1 serving 150
breakfast Banana, fresh, 1 large (8in. to 8-7/8in. long) 125

lunch Strawberries, fresh, 0.75 cup, halves 34
lunch Potato Chips, Pringles, Original, 14 chips, 1 oz 160
lunch Boar's Head Oven Gold Roast Turkey Breast, 2 oz 60
lunch Arnold Select Sandwich Thins Multi Grain 1 Sandwich thin, 1 serving 100
lunch Skotidakis Jalapeno Yogurt Dip, 2 tbsp 50

dinner Egg, fresh, 1 large 70
dinner Egg white, 2 serving 34
dinner Kraft Finely Shredded Sharp Cheddar Cheese, 0.1 cup 44

snack Pizza, Freschetta 4 Cheese 11.15oz, 1serv = 1/2 pizza, 0.5 serving 210
snack Tootsie Roll, 1.5 serving 6 pieces 210
TOTAL 1247

What worked:

I felt great on my run and felt great about attending the class. The kids did great in daycare while I was taking the class. We had a great Monday routine which was

My run, Breakfast, Gym, Snack, Shae's nap, Chloe and my lunch, Chloe craft while I shower, a little downtime, ballet, lacrosse practice, dinner. It was a very busy Monday and flew by. I also stayed within my calorie limit.

What didn't work:

USAA called about a credit card- Not good at all. Although I didn't have a binge due to the stress like I usually do.

I want to be able to get up before 6 am.

I will probably be super soar tomorrow. Right now my legs feel like jello and I just hope I can walk in the morning.

No Binge Record: 1 day

No Frivolous Shopping Record: 1 day